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| everyone who stayed faithful to xanga and didn't become a myspace whore, hollerrrr.
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| I'm sick.
I'm sick of school. I'm sick of spending countless hours trying to study. I'm sick of putting off schoolwork until 12 at night. I'm sick of telling myself every day in the morning, "Today's a new day. Don't fuck it up." I'm sick of coming home and going through the same damn cycle, and waking up in the morning only to remind myself yet again. I'm sick of watching my grades go down no matter what kind of effort I put into schoolwork. I'm sick of smartass motherfuckers who seem to know it all, wave their 100's in my face while I crumple up another failed assignment. I'm sick of sorry teachers who don't know how to teach, of incompetent administrators who don't know how to run a school. I'm sick of watching my body take the damage, day by day, of the effects of each night where I study late into the morning hours, only to see my efforts turn to shit at school.
I'm sick of my family. I'm sick of my mom and stepdad's total lack of support. I'm sick of the fact that the only time I see my parents is when I get driven to school, and sometimes when we can get together at dinnertime, that is if we can even eat together. I'm sick of the thought of dinner with my family. I'm sick of listening to the sound of silence as we eat, my parents only speaking to discuss some problem they saw on the freeway. I'm sick of not being able to talk to my parents about any kind of thing that a normal kid would talk to his parents about. School? Car? A job? Friends? Nothing. I'm sick of finding, even after I try talking to them in a reasonable manner, that they of course do not listen to reason, and distort my view of the topic so badly that it's like I shouldn't even care, because it's a waste of my time. I'm sick of hearing the same old story that they grew up on a farm without an air conditioner, and didn't get a car until they graduated from college. Hello? Houston is not a farm. I'm sick of my parents coming home at 11 each night, with the same familiar take-out box from Restaurant X. I'm sick of being the first person they bitch at, seeing as how they have to pretend to be nice to people all day and not get angry. I'm sick of the fact that the only time I'm spoken to at home is when I get bitched at. I'm sick of being told that I'm worthless, irresponsible, no-good, a failure, stupid, a waste of time, and that I would be better off somewhere else. I'm sick of my parents' hypocrisy, of knowing that every thing they say, I can come back with just as good of a comeback. Look at your own room. It's trash. You can't even put anything on a table or chair because there's garbage and old shit all over the place. You only come home to eat and sleep. I'm sick of not being able to say anything back to them, because it's a waste of my breath and they make some kind of bullshit to get out of it anyway. And I'm sick of the fact that no matter what I do or say, I'm still just a failure in their hearts and minds.
I'm sick of work. I'm sick of having to deal with the same superficial idiots every day, who only talk about how great their last bang job was, or how wasted they got at the last party they went to. At least, when they're not outside smoking. I'm sick of people coming to me who don't know the first thing about cameras. I'm sick of coming to work on days where I feel like absolute shit, then having to wear a fake smile to show to all the world, because nobody likes a unhappy employee. I'm sick of batteries that have to be sorted in no less than 5 different places around the store, based on brand, battery series, battery type, charge type, model number, number of batteries, and then serial number. I'm sick of managers chewing me out for everything and anything, of customers who I just can't deal with.
I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of high hopes, of setting goals for myself. I'm sick of watching whatever I try to do turn to shit, and not be able to do anything about it. I'm sick of lines. I'm sick of people asking me about PS3's. I'm sick of people bring up the student body president election. I'm sick of sacrificing so much this year, of always putting other people's needs before mine. I'm sick of seeing those sacrifices go unnoticed and pointless. I'm sick of my own clumsiness with words when it matters most. I'm sick of always knowing what should be said or done only once it's too late to do anything about it. I'm sick of couples. I'm sick of stupid love movies, where everything is magical and perfect and everyone is happy at the end. I'm sick of being a hopeless romantic. I'm sick of hoping against hope. I'm sick of wanting what I can't have, of going every possible direction for happiness and accomplishment and being denied at every turn. I'm sick of putting all my heart into something I really care about, making sure I do everything right and even go the extra mile, only to have that come back and slap me in the face. I'm sick of sowing seeds and reaping bullshit. I'm sick of having my heart fucking ripped out. I'm sick of chasing the shadow of a dream that never existed.
I'm sick.
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| woohoo, it's that time of year again!
i will write
my christmas blog sometime later, but without further ado, in all
holiday cheer, here is my annual xmas wish list. (watch out, i have
expensive tastes... :P)
1. Samsung 940BW Widescreen LCD
Monitor
nothing special, just need it to complete my dual lcd
screens.
PRICE: $249.99, although i think you can get
them for $200...
2. iSkin eVo3 iPod
Case
been meaning to get this for a while but never got around to
it.
among
the other ipod skins/cases i've seen around the
market,
this seems to be among the better ones. and it's
both.
PRICE:
$39.99
3. Grey's Anatomy Season 1 and 2
DVD
yes, i'm a diehard GA fan...i think i can get these pretty cheap
at BB
though...
PRICE: $19.99 and
$39.99
4. Adidas T-Mac 6 Basketball
Shoes
PRICE: $129.99
5. Anything
Rockets-related
seriously...i don't care what it is. jerseys, posters,
blankets,
banners,
shirts, game tickets, autographs (eh?), anything.
as long as it's got houston
rockets on it and i can hang it up,
anything goes. and
yes, i'm a diehard rockets fan as well, just
in case you didn't
notice.
6. Polo by Ralph
Lauren/Adidas
my two all-time favorite
brands. anything from those two
will be more than
enough.
7. Toyota Supra/Nissan
350Z
haha....anyone? anyone?? 
8.
All I want for Christmas
Is....
this may sound just a little corny, but all i really do want for
christmas
is that special
someone. of course, it'd be nice if i got those things
on
top, but none of them would
really matter...
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| okay...so i gave in. stolen from facebook, but whatever.
Opening credits: "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" Israel Kamakiwiwo'ole
Waking up: "Unwritten" Natasha Bedingfield
Average day: "Eye Of The Tiger" Rocky
First date: "Di Yi Ci" (The First Time) Guang Liang, "First Date" Blink 182
Falling in love: "I Wanna Know" Joe
Love scene: "I'll Be" Edwin McCain, "Truly Madly Deeply" Savage Garden
Fight scene: "Here Comes The Boom" Nelly, "Let's Go" Trick Daddy ft. Lil Jon & Twista
Breaking up: "Faint" Linkin Park
Getting back together: "We Belong Together" Mariah Carey
Secret love: "If You Were Mine" Marcos Hernandez, "You're Beautiful" James Blunt
Life's okay: "You Can't Hurry Love" Phil Collins
Mental breakdown: "Through The Fire And Flames" Dragon Force
Driving: "Chunk Up The Deuce" Lil Keke ft. Paul Wall & UGK
Learning a lesson: "Incomplete" Backstreet Boys
Deep thought: "Go On" DJ XSkape (Favorite Song!)
Flashback: "My Heart Will Go On (Piano Instrumental)" Celine Dion
Partying: "Sexy Back" Justin Timberlake, "Lose Control" Missy Elliot ft. Ciara & Fatman Scoop
Happy dance: "C'mon & Ride It (The Train)" Quad City DJs
Regretting: "How To Deal" Frankie J, "Far Away" Nickelback
Long night alone: "Here Without You" 3 Doors Down
Death scene: "How To Save A Life" The Fray
Closing credits: "Closing Time" Matchbox 20
What is the soundtrack to YOUR Life? Copy
YOUR TURN:
Opening credits:
Waking up:
Average day:
First date:
Falling in love:
Love scene:
Fight scene:
Breaking up:
Getting back together:
Secret love:
Life's okay:
Mental breakdown:
Driving:
Learning a lesson:
Deep thought:
Flashback:
Partying:
Happy dance:
Regreting:
Long night alone:
Death scene:
Closing credits:
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| Hi thegreatestnightmare! It's been 1000 (wow, that's a big number) days since you joined Xanga... won't you support us by going Premium? Wow....happy 1000th Xanga day to me. And what do I have to say to Xanga after more than 2 and a half years of faithful blogging? No thanks, I'm still good with Xanga Free. I should totally write a long, lengthy, self-centered entry dedicated to how much I've changed in 1000 days, but I really have no time right now. I'll save it for the 3 year anniversary. So...95 more days! By the way, new profile pic and music. Enjoy. | | |
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